5 years old again

This was totally coming to me.

As I blogged about on New Years day, mom finally sat me down and we finished my college applications and sent them off (the "submit" button has never seemed so intimidating). But now that they're gone, I WANT THEM BACK.

I WANT TO KNOW.

TELL ME, DARNIT!!!

I was just in the shower, breathing in the steam and enjoying the respite from asthma problems (Allergies are terrible this week, thus so is my asthma) when I realized how young this whole process is making me feel. Young because I have no idea what I'm doing, young because I have yet to experience anything like living on my own, young because this impatience I'm feeling is driving me insane. Most everything in my life has been instant gratification. (Instant, here, stretches from literally seconds to a week or so.) But waiting for letters to come back is torture. Tell me where I'm accepted so I can think about it for a while.

During mass today it was Senior mass. Father Whoever-it-was was talking about how we have a lot of decisions to make soon that will determine the rest of our lives, and then he asked our class how many people knew where they were going to go to college. 5 people raised their hands. 5 out of 97 of us know. This makes me feel a little better, but most people have had letters come back to them. They at least have options!

And thus, I brought this upon myself. I procrastinated (sort of) longer than most of my peers and I know that, had I turned in my applications earlier, I would have had some sort of response by now.

But that doesn't matter in my mind. In my mind I am feeling small and impatient again. Give me my answers, and give me them NOW.