Average

So I've started the whole college admissions process.

(AHH!)

And it's kind of freaking me out. You see, right now I'm having one of those "moments of doubt". Like in the movies when a character is walking around proudly, and then something dramatic occurs to them and they just stop and throw their arms out. That is me right now. I'm all happily filling out my college apps and then... Oh no. I look too average.

I have average grades and an average SAT score, I'm average in volunteer hours. I'm average, average, average.

I've never been average. At least... I've never felt average. Mom tells me that I'm wonderful, I will get into whatever college I want to get into, I am a generally above-average girl and I have nothing to worry about.

What if I'm just faking being wonderful, huh? What if I've been pretending to be smart and I'm really just an average person? How would THAT be?

Mommy I've changed my mind. I don't want to go to college and I don't want to grow up. See you in Never-Never land.

Super Soaked

So I went to another UT game today (where we SUCKED SO BADLY it almost was funny) and at the beginning of the game the weather man came out and said "It'll drizzle a little later but it'll clear up soon."

HAHA. That's HILARIOUS Mr. Weatherman. Seriously! Good one!

It started drizzling for like... a minute. And then the floodgates opened.

We all got SOAKED to the bone. And then we just got cold. And brrrrrr... I'm still kind of cold right now even though I'm (almost) dry right now.

I'm going to go see what's on Disney Channel... (Why yes. I am seventeen and I still love disney.)

Falling

Drew this just now...

Crank that

So there's this song/dance that people are learning right now. It's called crank that.

My mom, on her eternal quest to be cool, asked me to teach her how to dance to it. (Tee hee hee!!)

A lot of it involves bouncing up and down... my calves feel SUPER STRONG right now!

I showed that poem I posted the other day to my mom. She said that while I was reading it she was thinking about how that's how I must feel, standing at the edge of my Highschool career and starting to take the plunge into my college life.

Hmm... Taking the plunge is the right way to put it.

To tell you the truth, I'm freaking out about college.

(AHHHHH!!!)

Big scary world out there, and I don't know what to do about it.

Tick tock...

So my watch is a really, really cool watch.

It's like 80-sumptin years old (most likely) and I have to wind it every morning. Do you know how that makes me giggle?

Old stuff actually fascinates me. Like there's this clock at my friend's house that is from the 1800's or something. And I just look at it. And I think, "That has been telling time for over a century." And "I wonder how many people have looked at that clock" and stuff like that. And when I'm in museums, I just stare at the most mundane objects and wonder. Who used it? When was it made? Was it one of those objects that we love for like a day and then discard?

Yay.

Anyway, so my watch is like living history to me. Uber cool, basically.

And I can hear the ticktickticktick of it when I put it up to my ear. I think it's something like four and a half ticks to the second or something. It's very soothing. But if I sit just right (with my jaw on my fist) I can just about hear the ticking.

(this is how I've been sitting all day during class.)

Ticktickticktick...

On occasion, I do get something right

So this is a poem that I wrote in the spirit of our Literary Magazine contest for the word "Fall".

(Our Lit Mag club does a contest every other month or so where the editors choose a word and basically, the contest entries made up most of last year's lit mag. Most of my disreality series on fictionpress.com is made up of entries from last year too.)

So... because I can't compete, here would be my entry. What I was seeing in my mind was someone standing on the edge of a cliff, thinking that their life is at a standstill and wishing it over and deciding to take that leap. But as they fall, they morph into an eagle. Corny, I know... but that's what I saw.

----

The Wide Unknown

This is the end,
This is where it stops,
This is where I take the leap
Into the wide unknown.

This is the end.
This is the crossing
This is where the road drops
Into the wide unknown.

This is a step
This is a return glance
This is a look over the edge
Into the wide unknown.

This is the darkness
This is when I gasp
This is where I fall
Into the wide unknown

This is the freefall
This is the feeling
This is when I open my eyes
Into the wide unknown

This is the pain
This is what I know
This is an entrance
Into the wide unknown

This is strange
This is unexpected
This is not the right falling
Into the wide unknown

This is a transformation
This is a wing
This is a flight
Into the wide unknown

This is my rebirth
This is my redemption
This is my first step
Into the wide unknown

Homecoming Pt 2

Homecoming dance rocked. It just did. I danced and danced and laughed and sweated and it was a grand time. I went out to dinner with a bunch of friends at the Olive Garden and we all looked gorgeous.


See?



After homecoming I went to my friend Brandy's house (my friend Kim came too) and we watched the movie Accepted and then we finally went to sleep at 2. I'm tired today...

So onto other things that seem more important at the moment.

I'm finally getting over my cold. I know this because I'm coughing up a lot of gunk (gross as that is, it's true) and my asthma is kicking in. I'm optomistic about my cold today, but what is reall frustrating is that my voice is out of whack right now. I probably shouldn't be using it much, but do you know how hard that is when I have so much riding on my voice right now? I mean, talking in school and to friends aside, I have choir (we have a massive mass this week to do; the bishop is presiding over our mass and our feeder/sister school is attending too. So basically, 800 students, one mass, LOTS OF PRESSURE ON THE CHOIR.) and rehearsals where I have to learn my lines and my music and the musical is in ONE MONTH AND THREE DAYS and I haven't even blocked my scenes yet! AAARRGGGHHH!!

(kaboom!)

Homecoming Pt. 1

I got to school this morning at 8:00.

I got home at 10:45.

Do you realize that that's over twelve hours at school? That's more like 14 hours and 45 minutes.

Today was homecoming, and it rocked. When I left the game in the third quarter the score was 34 to 7.

I think we might have won. We scored 21 points in the first quarter. It was awesome.
I have had a very long day today.

And I sang more than I ought to have. All things considered, I probably shouldn't have been singing at all today, but with the game (where I and 3 others sang the National Anthem... we harmonized!!!) and rehearsals, it was hard not to sing. And then at the game I yelled a lot (also a not smart move.)

My throat hurts a LOT.

I'm going to bed now.

Dance tomorrow!!!

Posters...

So tomorrow is our school Club Fair, where heads of clubs set up posters and try and advertise to get people to join. It's often a joyous affair, where you sign up for everything and show up for none of the meetings. I'm the editor of our school's Literary Magazine, and by the way things are turning out, it seems that I may just have to conduct the whole thing via correspondence, because nobody shares the same lunch as I do and nobody can make meetings before school. (Grrr...)

But people at my school don't seem to want to pass on such valuable information as, you know, "the club fair is on thursday, so we need posters!" a week or so in advance to give us poor souls who have to make the posters a chance to get it all together. God FORBID they give us warning. So the teacher sponsor of the Lit Mag emailed me the other day and said "We need a poster. Can you do it?" "...Sure... Um...I'll have it on Thursday! shit, when am I going to find time to do that..."

So I did it. Yay me. And it is gorgeous. I wish I'd had more warning, though. I could have really spruced it up.

Have I mentioned it took me two hours to make?

So much for getting a head start on homework.

Tuesday: Picture edition!

So. I haven't got much to say, other than Dentists suck (grrrr fillings...) and I got the best bargain on a homecoming dress today.

Oh, and I am now the proud owner of an antique watch which is possibly as old as 80 years old. It needs to be wound. HOW COOL IS THAT?!

So here goes: My Picture edition.

My watch:

My dress: (Which cost me $18.95)

MY SOCK.

A bird. Driving my car.

Unfair

Life is unfair and I understand that...

But you know when you have those days that just aren't fair and all of that unfairness seems to be directed right at you?

I left school early because I felt, to put it plainly, like shit. I didn't want to be there and I didn't want to even smile at people. I was just not happy. I don't feel much better right now to tell the truth, but I knitted a bit and I took a (very short) nap and I watched Pride and Prejudice (which I LOVE.) so I feel, in my mind, a little better.

But what hurt me most was my friend this morning. And it's not like this is a big deal, but over a few years of her doing this, it's starting to bother me more. I found this new band called Breaking Benjamin this weekend, who I believe are really good. They have a sound that I like and are a genre that I can appreciate. And my friend has a dog named Benjamin who she really doesn't like. So I went to school and said to her "Hey! I found this band called Breaking Benjamin and they're really good", thinking that we could have a good laugh at the irony of the names, and she just went "Oh I hate them! It sounds like he's constantly trying to swallow his own fist!" and she went on trashing the band. She's one of those people who is really open to a lot of stuff, but when it comes to music she shuts people down.

I guess it's not a big deal. But today, it just bothers me that she, who preaches to be really open to new and sometimes weird stuff, will just shut me down so quickly.

Another one bites the dust

Another one bites the dust.

Another paper written. (This is where I lounge back and put my hands behind my head.) This one was about ancient theories of souls, which I find slightly (by a margin of about a mile) more interesting. I mean, Pythagoras thought that all beings that are alive have souls. That means that my tree which is scraping against my window has a soul. The plant that I killed a few weeks ago has a soul, and yep, the gnat that I swallowed yesterday had a soul. (So am I a murderer?)

Overall, today was one of those extreme days. Most of it sucked, but there were things that made up for the suck-yness.

Why did my day suck, you ask? I felt sick and thoroughly drained all day. This was due to the huge amount of energy I put off yesterday, crossbred with the fact that I'm sick/have allergies (I'm not quite sure which.)

I'm very happy because I wrote another (good) paper (I hope), I found a new singer who I really like (Her name is Holly Brook, and look her up. I got the cd "Like Blood Like Honey" and it's excellent.) I'm also happy because the book I was reading (and finished this morning) is going to have TWO MORE SEQUELS!! Granted, they don't come out until next August, but I'll take what I can get.

ACL!!!

ACL. IS. AMAZING.

Today I
a) Did not get more than a little bit pink.
b) Rocked out to oodles of good music
c) Got a free VIP pass (ROCK!!!)

So my brother's friend's mother works at the NPR station. And she got a bunch of free VIP passes. And gave one to me simply because I'm the sister of her son's friend. Uh. WOW.

I didn't even know that there WAS a VIP pass. But there's this whole "VIP Grove" that has free food and drinks and SHADE and all sorts of fun.

Only bad thing about today:
1) Freaking sun was freaking hot. (Well, duh. It's texas what else would I even expect?) I was sweating and fanning myself all afternoon
2) I got a bunch of blisters and sores.
3) I think I swallowed a gnat
4) I got a nosebleed halfway through the Arctic Monkeys and had to go to the medical tent. They set me up with a gauze and a pack of ice (which apparently helps. Who'da thunk?) and asked me "Do you want to go to the emergency room?" And I was like, "As fun as that would be, naw. Not today." and they said "Kay. Sign this release form."

Then we walked to IHOP ate a lot of pancakes and then drove home. I just got out of the shower (and am sopping wet) and I don't think I've ever appreciated a shower so much in my life.

Food, glorious food

I want to know. Is it mandatory that every person screws up rice the first time they make it? Because that happened a few weeks ago and my family was kind enough to grimace through it (I know that face.) but I know that it really sucked. And the stir fry was watery and rather tasteless. (I know that face, too.) Overall, disaster of a dinner. Guess it happens to all of us.

So I took a second stab at that stir fry, I successfully cooked the rice (Yay, microwave instructions!!) and I did better on the stir fry itself, although I went a little sauce-happy. It was a tad on the spicy side, but I did about 75% better this time. Next time, remind me to start the rice first.

On the subject of food.

I need to eat more.

It's weird, but last night around 11ish I got out of bed to go to the bathroom and realized that I felt hollow. It was only then that I realized that I had a glass of milk for breakfast, a sandwich and a few other things for lunch, and a diet coke and wheat thins for dinner. What with rehearsals, babysitting gigs, and homework I just forget to eat properly.

Gee, you'd think I would be super skinny by now.

I'm not anorexic, I just forget. Oops?

Ahh, freedom

Well, almost.

I have officially some time to RELAX. And, I guess I'm supposed to be sleeping right now, but I wrote my paper in record time (i.e. before it was due AND before 10pm!!) and I've been perusing Youtube and the itunes store and listening to music and generally enjoying myself.

It feels good.

What doesn't feel good is my back. I'm going to get off my butt when I press "publish post" and do some stretching, because I need to stretch my back out. In dance yesterday we were doing a lot of stretching. And one particular excericse (she called it the pigeon, where you fold one leg under you, extend the other leg behind you and arch your back. And then she said "now coo like a pigeon and flap your wings." Um... okay Ms Bravo.)

You know what I noticed? I seem to get really distracted when my mom is out of town and I forget to eat dinner until really late. Oops.

Shocked!!!

(Beware: A LOT OF COMPLAINING OCCURS IN THIS BLOG.)

Have I mentioned my homework load yet?

I feel like I've done more homework in these three weeks of school than I did the ENTIRETY of my freshman year.

Have I mentioned that I only have FOUR CLASSES that give homework? And that one of them hasn't given any yet?

How can Physics (devilsubject), English, and AP Government give so much homework? And it doesn't even LOOK like that much homework. Here's what my planner looks like today:

Physics: Review ch 3 (#12-18)
Philosophy: None
English: Rough draft of Never Let Me Go paper due Weds
Government: Chapter outline

And somehow, that will take me hours tonight.

AND I have two hours of rehearsal tonight. AND I have a 45 minute piano lesson. AND we're out of yummy soymilk at home. AND I'm starving and won't get home until like 7:30 tonight.

I want to EXPLODE.

Rather Proud

I'm rather proud of myself.

I just did about 2 hours homework in about 45 minutes. punches air.

Now I must do my Physics (devilsubject) homework.

Gack.

Need a break...

It's too late and I'm sick and I need sleep.

(And my sock is taunting me... just sitting there beside my desk squeaking "Knit me! Knit me!" and I'm like: "No! I have to do physics (devilsubject) homework!" and it's like "No! Knit me!"

I need sleep.... zzz...

Disclaimer: All delusions in this blog are sponsored by NyQuil.

Oops

I might have just been converted to a football fan tonight. (I went to the UT/TCU game) Because honestly, I spent the entire game screaming my head off. Mom looked pleased. I think she's been onto me for this for years.

Also, she's big on me doing the whole "Going to UT" thing. It means she can surruptitiously "run into" me when I'm out with my friends downtown. And call me. Constantly. And keep me close to home FOREVER. (Probably not forever, but I'm sure yall know what I mean. She'll probably try to set me up with someone who is determined to never leave the city for as long at they live next.)

Hooray! We won!!

We sat next to this guy who was really into the game too. And he kept on shouting things like he might actually be heard all the way up in the nosebleed section. (As in, ya... Like 20 rows down from the very top.)

On second thought, do they call it the nosebleed section when you're at a stadium? Or is that just in the theatre? I dunno.

Tea!!!

So for my government class I have to do this outline of each chapter every week. It's tedious, mandatory, and takes about five hours to do each week, but for once I'm greatful for the 'mandatory' bit because otherwise, I'd never do it. But right now, we're studying the writing of the Declaration and the Constitution and there was a little blub about the Boston Tea Party (oh-ho! ...I don't know why, but I just have the urge to exclaim that whenever I hear of the BTP) and I wrote down in my outline, "But what about all of that wasted tea?!" Which caused me to have a HUGE craving for tea...

...So I made some.

(See how exciting my life is?!)

Just so you know, the tea was yummy.

When was in England two summers ago, we had droves of visitors coming to our house for one reason or another, and so I was officially named "Tea Wench". Well, when my cousin Josh and his mother arrived at our house Dad sent me to the kitchen to make tea for them and Emma exclaimed, "But she's American. She can't make tea." So I did, it was good, and I got to prove that even Americans can do something right.

I would like to point out here that the tea was loose-leaf and not in bags. Although why that scares people over here (OH MY GOD! I ACTUALLY HAVE TO STRAIN THE DREGS OUT?! I CAN'T DO THAT!! YOU BRITISH PEOPLE ARE INSANE!! ...Um, no we're not. You're just lazy.) I don't understand.

One thing I never get is how (and I tested this on everyone I gave tea to and this is 100% the truth. Okay, maybe 99.7%) you can hand someone in England a scalding and practically still-boiling cup of tea and then will just start sipping away. I try to do that and my tongue and lips are burned for the remainder of the day. HOW?! HOW on earth do they DO that?! I refuse to conform to that part of my heritage. nose up in air.

Okay, I can officially cross that off my list of things to do:

-Rant about Tea (check)
-Be made of Awesome. (check)
-Homework (Um...... check?)

Soy joy

So I've recently realized how delicious soy milk is. Especially vanilla soy milk. Yummm.... I could probably drink it all day.

My brother was in my car this evening, and we were talking about how annoying it is when people are in the back of your car and people are talking and talking while you're driving. And he said, "You know what? You should just say 'If you talk once, you'll be shot in the kneecap. If you talk twice, you'll be shot in the thigh... and if you talk again, you don't know WHERE you'll be shot."

(HA. HA. HA.)

I'll try and use that from now on...

Damage Control

So right now, I feel like I'm doing damage control. I'm in Desktop right now and we've just retured articles back to the students with marks all over them and lovely grades of "69", "78" and I've seen a few other scarier grades than those. But for the last fifteen minutes (it's taken me fifteen minutes to type this) I've been barraged with "Stefanie, can you explain this?" and "what do you mean?" And there are a few people who are ridiculously lazy and who don't want to change their articles and it's REALLY BUGGING ME because they're the people who need to work the hardest.

On an even more dismal note, it's raining outside.

And on a slightly happier note, I have study hall next block. I fully intend to disregard all homework for the next hour and just read my book. (HAH. I said it. I am a bad person like that.)

Look! A... erhm.. what is it?

I think it's a sock...

On catching a Fish.

This weekend has been awesome. I spent a large portion of it with my friend Brandlyn (actually, I spent the night at her house two nights in a row...) and most of the time we've been shopping. Next week is Senior-Freshman week at our school, where there are themed days and seniors get to dress up the freshman during the week. It's a great week where freshman are welcomed to the school... and us Seniors get to exploit our ultimate powers as Seniors.

So, here's a funny picture of what I looked like as a poor little fishy...

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v112/TheHobbitIvy/?action=view&current=MeandSeniors.jpg

Um... ya. It was mismatch day.

So this week's days are as follows:
Tuesday: Bring your freshman to work day. While I don't necessarily work anywhere (although I do babysit), I've decided that I'm going to pretend to be a golfer (I do know how to play...) and make my freshman caddy for me. Muah ha ha. So I got us awesome golf socks, a hat for her that says "I love my senior" and all white garb. AND she'll have to cart around clubs for me. Hooray!!
Wednesday: Wacky Twinsday. So basically my whole goal this week was to be able to wear pajamas at some point, so I'm dressing me and my fishy up in pink checkerboard pajamas with a white robe and fuzzy slippers. Yaaaaaaaay! And I'll get to bring my teddy to school.
Thursday: Mass dress. While technically not a dress-up day, I've got an ugly-patterned grandma dress for my freshman to wear. Muah ha ha. (I, on the other hand, have a lovely white dress to wear.)
Friday: Spirit dress. This day we get to wear our Sr/Fr week tshirts and we get to wear jeans with them. Hooray!

So all in all, I'm really looking forward to torturing, I mean, dressing up my freshman, and I will post pictures of how she looks every day. (Muah ha ha.)