I apologize for not blogging so far this week. Here are a few reasons why I have not blogged. If you can pick the true story, you win a prize!
1) I was swept off my feet by a prince from far far away who took me to his kingdom where he apparently could not figure out how to slay his dragon. I used my sly cunning and great creative genius to tell him a perfect plan involving duct tape, spaghetti, and white board pens. Thanks to my plan, he promptly was able to slay his dragon and wed his princess. I, having of course fallen in love with the prince during my stay far far away, turned him and his wife into orangutans (because, of course, I am also a witch) and made them film several Tang commercials before I left and only just arrived home where I plan to air those commercials and hopefully make a bit of spare cash.
2) I was lounging around in my living room with Lawrence when there came a knock on my door. When I opened it, I was immediately abducted by aliens who looked like the brass instrument section of an orchestra. They took me into their saxophone shaped spacecraft where I was tortured for hours a day with badly tuned instruments and off-tempo quartets. When I finally cracked and spilled the information that I thought they wanted, they stopped and told me that what they really needed was a director for their orchestra. It turns out they were trying to impress, not torture me! I wiped the tears off my face and immediately began shaping up the brass section aliens and even negotiated with other alien nations and united their people with the wind aliens, string aliens, and percussion aliens and have since successfully united their people into one glorious orchestral alien population. Now they all live in harmony and perform every Thursday and Friday nights at the Martian Bar third star from the left. After being so successful at uniting their people, the aliens were unhappy to let me go, but I told them that I had deadlines to meet and so they reluctantly left me back on my couch.
3) I was creating an alphabetical list of the population of the Earth when I happened to glance over at my bookshelf. A strange portal-like object was forming in front of the books! I was curious, of course, and so naturally I stuck my face into it. I was then sucked into it! Except when I got there, the people in the alternate dimension said they hated me and sent me right back! I was tossed back into my living room (with a thunk that probably annoyed my neighbors downstairs) and immediately started researching and planning something that I came to call my Dimension Offensive. I wanted in on that alternate dimension! I wanted to meet Harry Potter and Frodo, and since they didn't exist in my dimension they had to exist in that one! Using my fabulous researching skills (I am still in school...) I figured out how to trigger the portal opening again (it turns out that you have to write "Chuck Norris" backwards) and forced my way into the alternate dimension, where I promptly wreaked havoc and launched my Dimension Offensive into full effect! The people there eventually surrendered, named me their queen and I finally got to meet Harry Potter and Frodo. I requested to meet Legolas, but he was busy brushing his hair. I reigned supreme for several years at which point I got bored and went back home. Though I had been in that world for years, time moves differently there and so I only was gone for three days.
One of those three reasons is why I could not blog this week... but which one is it?
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