A Letter

Dear Room at Kairos Retreat,

I miss you already. It's 11:20, and even though I know that at this point in time I wouldn't be in you even if I were still at the Kairos retreat, (I would be in a discussion or something) I still think of you now. Your paper-thin, whitewashed walls were a comfort to me. You had two chairs and a rather comfortable bed. And even though my sheets didn't like to stay where I damn well put them (they didn't fit very well. But they're called 'fitted sheets'... I will complain about this to Someone In Charge...) I liked your bed. And your little bathroom with the loud buzzing light annoyed the crap out of me, but I still liked the little curtain in the window. Something that I didn't get was the position of the mirror in the bathroom. Why is it that I had to sit on the sink to be able to see myself in the little mirror? Is it, perhaps, a design flaw or yours? Of course, I shouldn't blame you. I miss you too much. Do you know what I miss most about you? Your heater. Within five seconds of turning on, it would make me warm and fuzzy. I considered unscrewing it from the wall and taking it home with me, but then I realized that that would cause a little bit of disturbance at the retreat center, and people would frown at me. And in any case, it wouldn't have fit in my big, beautiful, blue bag, anyway. Do you know what lies outside your walls? Surely you must. All of the thin trees were barely five feet from each other, and although it was "winter" and the trees that weren't ceder trees weren't green, it was beautiful and shady anyway. But back to the point. You, my favorite little room, were where I wanted to be when I wasn't in a discussion or with my friends. You weren't just a place for me to sleep; you were a place to be relaxed in, to stop for a moment and think, read, knit, or play Nicole. I brought my guitar with me in hopes that perhaps she wouldn't be so lonely without me. I think she liked being there. I played her a bit, and she didn't really leave the room. Did you have any good conversations with her?

Well, Room, I do miss you dearly. But I'm still a little bit overwhelmed by all of the scenery changes. I'm back in my own room right now, and while I'll always think of you fondly, I'm sure that being here, and not there, is for the best. Perhaps I'll write to you some more when my thoughts were a little more together. Perhaps tomorrow.

Fondly remembering you,
Stefanie.

Out of it

In anticipation of not being here for the next week, my mind has completely shut down. I am a shell of a senior who is sick of many years of school. (Shut up, you with college degrees.)

I brought all of my luggage and stuff along with me to school. Except that I took out my blanket and pillow and have been carting them around with me all day. The result is that I have been taking a nap all day in my head, while still attending class.

The good thing is, my day is almost done.

And now, for a representation of me today:

A sock! And an announcement

Isn't she beautiful?

And there's her brother sitting next to her. (Hey. Purple can be manly.) The yarn Sushi Socks by The Unique Sheep... The flavor is "Morning Glory". It's part bamboo but it's got superwash in it... which means they're (drumroll) MACHINE WASHABLE! (wooooooo!) The stitch is the Bamboo sock.

So Purple Sock is all done. I finished her the other night when those boys were in my room. I'm proud of her... Two weeks ago during my Desktop Publishing class it took me 45 minutes to wind that ball. That is the biggest friggen ball of yarn I have ever seen. It's 386 yards! The sock I just made barely made a dent in the ball.

So... LOVE MY SOCK.

And on to part two of this blog...

I'm leaving for the next few days. Tomorrow after school I'm going to go on a spiritual retreat called Kairos and I'm packing. I've got all the necessities (YES, Mom. I packed extra socks and underwear.) (YES, Gramma, I packed my own sheets.) (YES, Barb, I packed extra yarn.)

But I digress. So I'm packing right now. Look at my cute suitcase/duffle thing! Isn't it adorable?! It was a birthday present that I haven't gotten to use yet. Anyway, I'm packing the normal stuff (toiletries, clothes, pjs, etc.) but I've been warned that I should bring an extra blanket, pillow and sheets. So I had to upgrade to the larger size of duffle bag (I started with the smaller size. I mean, it's only a 3 night thing. But then I realized that I couldn't squeeze in the sheets and pillow.) And I'm bringing my teddy bear, Fanya.

She's a little bit dirty.

And I'm only bringing this yarn (and this pattern) with me. Because I have to bring some more yarn with me just in case. :)

I'm looking around my room wondering if there's anything else I should take, and I can't think of anything.

Oh duh. A toothbrush. I gotta go get that...

Observations

I'm back!

So I took a few days off from blogging. Those days were full of

A) Work

B) Homework

C) Games of the internet persuasion (Tetris, solitaire, bejeweled, etc.)

D) Reruns

E) All of the above

So. That just about sums up last week for yall!

I have an interesting observation for yall. This last weekend, my brother had 3 of his friends stay over Friday and Saturday night. It was fun! And Brandlyn stayed on Saturday, and even though Brandy and I had to wake up early, we stayed up late (Brandy later than me) and we had girl talk (Can it be girl talk if boys were part of the group, too?), we played video games (We meaning everyone else but me, really) and we caffeinated ourselves into oblivion. (I mean, come on. What else do teenagers do?)

At one point, Brandy disappears to go talk with her boyfriend on the phone. I followed her about 15 minutes later to drag her back into the illuminating Girl Talk that Damon, Logan and I are having at this point. And I found Brandy starting to say goodbye and closing her flip phone. So I lured her into my room ("Wanna see my new yarn!?") and we started chatting, playing with yarn, and listening to the TV blaring in the other room.

Damon walks in and says "Party in here now?" and we're like, "You know it!" After this, Brandy started helping me wind a ball of yarn, and Damon just sat on the floor looking adorable. Soon after this, Logan, Duncan, and Austin came into my room and all took their respective positions around my room. Austin by the door (Quick escape?) Duncan by the Legolas stand up, and Logan on the floor with Damon. Logan asked at one point, "Got any more yarn that you need wound into a ball?"

"Psssh. Do I have any more yarn to wind into a ball. Of course I do!" And so I tossed him a hank of sock yarn.

This ensueed. (Although there is that tiny little ball in formation in the corner. That is, indeed, a start.)

Wanna see the balls that me and Brandy have wound?

See? Lookit them all neat and adorable and not looking like a watermelon-flavored noodly yarn disaster.

Well, I better get on that at some point. I can't just leave it on my floor. (Or can I?)

Overall, an uneventful day

Today was a very long day.

Long in a not painful way, for once. A lot happened, and I realized while driving home that stuff that happened at school today really was this morning. It was one of those days where the morning and the afternoon are completely disconnected.

So, school was more or less uneventful. Nothing worth mentioning. Rehearsal, also not worth mentioning (except for the fact of having a rehearsal, if that makes sense.)

After this, it was 6pm. I don't have much homework to do so I decided to walk up to the school and participate in the school phoneathon for our "Annual Appeal" for money. It was actually kind of fun. Free food, and after the first five calls that I made I stopped shaking (You know that feeling of calling someone you don't know. You eventually get over it and just keep calling.) I called probably 100 people tonight and personally raised $150. For only talking to about 15 people in person, I think that's pretty good. I think that as a group we raised 5 thousand dollars tonight, which feels good.

What I thought was funny was that, when I was talking to machines, I sounded like a machine, myself. I have the overly pleasant voice of a robot, apparently.

While I was at rehearsal, I turned the heel of my sock. It was fun. I can knit socks without patterns now!!! Woot!!

In other news, CHECK OUT THE HENNA ON MY FEET! (My friend Kim did it for me. :) )

Inadequacies

I took a break from blogging for a while, mostly because I became so engrossed in what I was doing (ie reading) I completely forgot. So here's my notice that I am alive and well.

I'm alive and well.

I had a really good, relaxing weekend. Well, I worked. But other than that, nothing really interesting happened. Apparently there was some marathon in town that drew a lot of foreigners to town, and because of it, I had a lot of foreign people. I had a whole conversation at the register with a woman from Venezuela, who only spoke spanish. It was cool.

Tonight I've been filling out an application to be an aupair. It's like applying to college all over again, except this time it's for people who will scrutinize me down to the last freckle instead of the last Algebra grade. I'm feeling all of those application inadequacies, where, in a nutshell, I know that I'm made of awesome and that I'm a great babysitter and a good person, but how the heck do I convey it all to them?! I'm worried about it, but there's nothing I can do about it, really.

With that, I'm going to go choose another book.

P.S. My baby (aka the school newspaper) placed 2nd in the district TAPPS (Texas Association of Private and Parochial Schools) competition!

Better.

Okay guys. I'm still not normal (Hey. Nobody bounces back that fast.) but I'm feeling a lot better. I had a great, solitary, normal night last night, and I had a lot of time to myself while I was working tonight. I think I sold stuff to maybe 7 or 8 people tonight in the 4 hours that I was there. So it was lots of time to think, reflect, and wonder why the hell people would even come shopping on a thursday night. Let alone valentine's day.

I finished Brandy's socks last night. She loves them! (I love them too!)

Anyway. I just wanted to alleviate yalls worry about me. I'm feeling a lot better today.

And now I'm going to bed.

(But first, a picture which I find hilarious.)

A Letter

Dear Inventors of Hot Water, Chamomile Tea, and Trashy Romance Novels,

I'm writing to you from a secluded and dark area of my brain. I don't often visit here, but on the occasion that I do, I find myself a little under the weather.

When I do find myself wandering into this particular area, I find that the three of you are the people who I want to thank most. You are practically my idols. Who else could I turn to in my time of need? Hot Water is the ultimate healer of the body, Chamomile Tea the mind, and well, add the Romance Novel and you've got yourself a party. A very repetitive, same-story-with-different-names party.

I know this isn't a long letter, but it's very hard to find time, or a desire to write here in this place I'm visiting. The light isn't very bright, but they're slowly finding more candles to light up the space. I might have to leave soon, though.

Sincerely,
Hopeful

What I wish I could write

Warning: Teenager Angst Ahead.

What I wish I could write is that today was a better day.

It wasn't, really.

School was hard, choir rehearsal was trying, babysitting was an entirely other experience in another universe that I don't understand yet.

My stepmom mentioned something at the beginning of the year. That things go in 9 year cycles (or something like that) and this is the first year of the next cycle, and that likely things would be upturned and a little unstable this year. Yep. She got it spot on. So far? 2008 kind of isn't fun.

So what I really want to write is a meditation of some sort on unpopularity, sadness, and or Ingredients of Doom like yesterday, but instead, I think I'll go to sleep.

Bad Potion #9.

Mom mentioned to me that I hadn't mentioned Nicole in a while in one of my posts, and tonight I will oblige her.

I spent a good deal of my day freaking out in one of those weird I-Totally-Look-Calm-On-The-Outside ways. I've mentioned at some point (probably) that my mother is a ridiculously hard person to read (This is true. Stop looking at your computer like that, Mom!) and recently I've discovered that I, while still quite the open book, am becoming more like her. This is true mostly in the sense that even when I dislike people, they have absolutely no idea. I'm not a confrontational person, and thus, I'm really nice to everyone. This, while a good thing, results in a whole lot of bottled up Something. Anger, frustration, drama... fill in the word as you like, but some days it explodes out of me.

Stefanie's Recipe for a Terrible Day (Believe me, this is relevant.)

We're doing a project in dance class, and I am in a group of girls who are not my ideal group, and while I can deal with that, there's one girl in particular who just plain creeps me out. Today, while we were discussing something to do with choreography, she started giving me this attitude thing and I started giving it right back to her. I felt terrible afterwards, but no way was I going to apologize. I did nothing wrong.

(Ingredient #1: Pride.)

Later in the day, I expressed my desire to (possibly) quit my job to my mother, due to the MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF EVERYTHING that is on my plate. She came back with a rational argument that, frankly, I can't even remember. I just remember that it made total sense. (How does she do that?)

(Ingredient #2: Stress.)

Auditions for the spring play (called You Can't Take It With You) were today after school. They could have gone better. I did fine, and I, being a senior, will be cast well. But you know that feeling of "I so could have done that better." It dogged me.

(Ingredient #3: Disappointment.)

By the time I got to piano today, I was so overwhelmed with all of the Ingredients of Doom that I couldn't concentrate on anything. My teacher was really sweet about it, and she could tell that my heart wasn't in it tonight, and my mind was somewhere WAY far off. She gave me some good advice, I started bawling, and I went on my merry way home.

(Ingredient #4: Tears.)

I came home, cried some more in my room (is crying like burning off fuel?) made myself some dinner, did my homework, and sat down at my piano with my guitar. I started alternating between my piano and my guitar and figured out a song or two, and by the end of it, the music made me feel a whole lot better.

Basically, today sucked. I'm thinking that tomorrow will be much better.

(Cue Monty Python's "Always Look On The Bright Side of Life" song.)

3 Down

Amongst the 14 hours I worked this weekend (Which meant no knitting. :( ) I got accepted into another college!!

This weekend, it was Texas Christian University.

It feels good. It feels really good. I mean, TCU is a nationally ranked school. It's a good school that not everybody gets accepted into.

Mom sent me a text message while I was working, and I had to tell everyone for about an hour. Complete strangers knew that I had gotten accepted.

( :D !!!)

If you're keeping score at home, that makes 3 colleges down, 2 to go.

In other news, I wore a skirt to work, and it looked cute. I didn't want to wear pants again. It's getting old.

Ooh! If you guys weren't convinced of my dorkiness, I have more proof. (I don't know why I enjoy highlighing my dorky moments, but I do.) Last night I came home from work really upset (Won't detail it. It's not a big deal.) And when my mom wasn't there for me to snuggle with, I changed into very comfy pajamas and looked at sock yarn online at this one website I keep shopping at.

And it made the whole world better.

In my book, this proves the healing power of Yarn Fumes.

Wanna know something cool?

I love the internet.

I love the opportunities it provides me with. Simultaneously, I can download music, search for alternate ways to learn things like Physics (because, you know, my teacher doesn't make sense to me.), watch videos of people literally on the other side of the world, voice my opinion, AND not explode. It baffles me to imagine a world without internet and without computers, because in my 18-year life span, there has never been a conscious moment where I haven't had access to a computer.

The internet brings everyone together. It's the missing link of humanity, now bringing people's voices to the surface. Who knows? With the right people reading a blog, watching a channel on YouTube, or recognizing a person, fame is now an attainable, tangible, thing. If I really wanted to, I could get on websites and promote my blog. If I had another reason other than keeping those who I love in touch with my everyday life (And the desire to rant every once and a while), I could promote this blog on hundreds of websites and people would read. People could value, challenge, or support the words that I am writing exactly now. And how difficult would it be? Not difficult at all.

Limitless. That is what the future holds.

The internet allows people to connect to people. I've emailed a contemporary composer about how much I love to play her music on the piano, and she wrote back to me. I've emailed authors whose books I love, and yesterday I even emailed Claudia, who makes and dyes yarn. And you know what's greatest? I got responses. I didn't just get an automated "thank you for emailing ______. He/She appreciates your comments." I got full out "thank yous" from the real people. I've asked questions and they have answered me.

There's no opportunity someone can't seize with the internet. I took a SAT review course using webcams in November. I didn't have to go anywhere but sit somewhere comfortable in my room to learn all I needed to know about how to take advantage of getting a better score on the SAT.

I can't believe how much is on the internet, and how many people there are too! I play a game on occasion called Runescape. It's a MMPRPG (Multi-million-player role-playing game) There are seriously that many people registered to play a free game. Just logging on to the game connects me with thousands of other lives all across the world.

A few years ago I downloaded a program called Skype. I rarely used it, but one day I turned on my computer and a chat box popped up. It was a guy who I had never talked with, who said that he lived in Morocco. He didn't want my bank information, my Social Security number, or my home addess. He wanted to know if I was an American, and if I was, if he could ask me some information about how I, as an American, celebrate holidays like Easter and Christmas. He said he needed it for a class. "What is typical of an american holiday?" he asked me. And I didn't feel any shame in explaining to him what our customs were in America. That kind of first hand information wouldn't be possible without a plane ticket and a lot of money before the internet came about.

Blogging has become one of my favorite parts of my day. Because I can say exactly what I mean. I can express my own opinions. That's what's so great about free speech.

Further Not Procrastinating

I would like to point out here that it's definately BEFORE 10pm and I've already studied for my Physics test. I am on a roll here!

(Granted, this is because someone jacked my notes out of my locker. Which was one of the contributing factors to my black mood on Wednesday. So I kind of had to study if I plan on passing the test tomorrow morning.)

Which I would like to do. Please pass me!

Other than that, I have nothing to report.

This is my desktop background. It makes me giggle every time I see it!

The necessity for therapy

I wonder if, as soon as I give a pair of socks away, I will feel the instantaneous need to give all the socks I make away.

I was realizing today, as I was knitting that I underestimated the size of sock that I need. I slipped it on, and I instantaneously knew that it would not fit, but I figure that I don't want to frog what I've done. Because that's painful. And I don't like to frog things. But I figure that, as Stephanie Pearl-McPhee often says, "It'll fit someone!". I think that someone happens to be Brandlyn this time. But Shh. Don't tell her.

I knitted the whole leg AND TURNED THE HEEL (TRIUMPH DANCE!!!) and it's just so lovely. I want more of this yarn. I love it... I might have to buy more. Maybe. I'm telling you. This yarn looks delectible.

But anyway.

I noticed that, once I have established a knitted object (i.e. scarf, hat, mitten) in my mind as Something I Can Do, I tend to start only making those things for other people, and rarely myself. It's like, I get all of the Screw Ups out on myself.

What is this... Generosity? Love of gifting? (Hark! Is my Grinchly heart growing bigger? Fetch the Xray!)

I dunno. I will contemplate this. Perhaps in therapy. ;) Of course, this would be after I expressed to the therapist why I want to eat my yarn.

In which I do not complain

I am royally pissed off right now. At my school's administration. About our newspaper. And it's lack of distribution, or approval. Because it's so heavy on my mind right now, I had to mention it. But any further description will probably just make me madder, and frankly, just mentioning it makes me feel better. Blogging is therapy.

In other news...

I have this incredibly small amount of yarn left from my socks. So I was thinking about what I was going to do with it, and then it hit me: MINI SOCKS!

So this took me like... most of Physics, 10 minutes of Economics, and about 15 minutes of English class. It was so easy! I put my nametag in there to show yall how tiny the sock really is... And yes, they did spell my name wrong.

And look at the new sock I'm going to knit! Doesn't the yarn just look delectable? I want to eat it. It's called "Butter Pecan"... which frankly doesn't help the "I want to eat it" thing. (I may need therapy. ;) I don't know that eating yarn is very healthy.)

Oh, and while I'm being random (sort of), I just got back from work about half an hour ago and OH MY GOODNESS. It's a Tuesday. And it's Mardi Gras. Nobody shops! My sales quota for today was $500, and I barely scraped $350. I think I sold things to two people. Two people! In four hours! It's was slow, it was dull, and I couldn't just sit on the register counter and swing my feet back and forth, or even knit or something.

(Oops. I'm complaining. I said I wouldn't complain.)

Let's reveal the Mystery Object!

It's a wee little sweater for my favorite brown-eyed-boy. (Knitted from my new wool-stash. Pattern is from Knitty, called Penny, Only the pattern is whack and if you follow it, it gives you a k2p2 seed stitch. Very strange. Also, instead of just leaving holes for legs, I added the little leg cuffs. Just pick up around edges and knit 6 or 7 rows in stockinette st.)

Sorry

Sorry guys. If it rains (in Texas) later today, tomorrow, or this week, it was my fault. Know why?

I washed my car. Outside. In the sunshine. In the 80 degree weather. In my swimsuit.

It was blissful.

Today was gorgeous. 80 degrees, sunny, slightly windy. Truly the perfect day.

Six more weeks of winter my ass! I love Texas.

In other news...

Mystery object continues!!

Post 200!

I would like to dedicate this blog to you, yes you. Cause it's post numero 200!

We're doing a satire project in English class. Here's my project:

On Big Fat Piles of Clothing

Okay. Mystery object project a total failure, because I finished it all in one day. But know what? Unless you actually live in my house, you don't know what it is! So here's a picture that I took yesterday of my mystery object while it was in the works.




Know what it is? Know what it is yet?



In other news, I worked the 11-8 shift again today. My feet hurt. Look what happened over my lunch break in the dressing rooms. I dragged this out of our three dressing rooms in my area. Three.

I put all of the clothing on the couch outside the dressing rooms and spent the remaining four hours of my shift alternating between the register and sorting through the clothing. At the end of the day, when 8 o'clock rolled around, I had hung on rolling racks all of the clothing that wasn't in our area, and ran that clothing to the areas they belonged to. In all seriousness, it looked like Christmas again.