Reading into it

Oh blogger... I hate being female.

Because us girls always read into things too much, seeing all the possibilities and 'what if's and things that could possible go wrong (or right) in every situation. Especially the ones regarding guys.

I don't know. The guy I think I like just told me that at a party he was dancing (wow! He who doesn't dance, actually danced...) with this girl, and he said he had a really good time. But while I'm happy that he stepped out of his comfort zone, my mind is buzzing, thinking, "what if he likes her!" "He's acting kind of weird and not talking like he usually does. something's wrong" and I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate reading into these things! and i'm jealous of someone who I'll likely never meet nor hear about ever again!

GRRRR!!!

I hate being female.

Of Thongs, Dresses, and Chemistry teachers

Of thongs and dresses and chemistry teachers. You know, they're all connected. Well, the thongs and dresses, yes... not so much my chemistry teacher last year, but oh well.

I went shopping with three of my friends this afternoon (for three hours!) and I bought a few cute shirts and some eyeshadow, but other than that, nothing ('cept pizza for a snack. ^^) We all decided to go into Victoria's Secret to do some browsing (;)) and ended up chatting with one of the sales clerks. And I fount the most gorgeous thong, but I had no money left. -weep- so I'll have to babysit to buy the thong. Lol. and find someone brave enough to go in there with me! Haha.

My chemistry teacher from last year is in a heavy metal band called Whore of Babylon, which I find funny because he used to teach at a catholic school. ;) But yeah... so his group is one of my myspace friends and I just discovered a picture of my chem teacher shirtless. I don't know where that goes on my "list of strange things" but I'd say it's pretty far up... Even though he is very easy on the eyes, I'd still prefer that he keep his shirt on for the sake of all us ex-students.

Oh well. He does have great abs. (He doesn't teach anymore... so I guess I can say that.)

I hate technology

I swear it has a mind of it's own. For the last hour I've been trying to fix my spontaneously misbehaving iPod and finally I gave up and called tech support. Of course, it's outside the normal business hours, so I got the automated (sexy ;)) voice of a machine and all I had to do was say "yes" and "no", etc. But as soon as he told me what to do, and I'd done this about eighteen times already, the ipod decides to work! GRRRR. I hate technology. So now my ipod is wiped of memory and is now uploading my 2694 songs back onto my ipod.

So I've been really really really busy lately... i didn't even get home until around 9:30 last night (school, rehearsal, babysitting, had to pick up duncan from lacrosse) and I haven't had much time to sit around with a book. But I picked up an isnteresting and thoroughly pointless read (The Boyfriend List, need I say more?) and am really enjoying that feeling of whenever I am bored, I can pull out a book. Most of the time, I don't have the time to be bored anymore. When I was little, I used to read for hours and hours every night. I lost a lot of sleep during middle school because of it. And I would talk to adults about my reading habits when it was brought up in conversation, and they would always remorse, saying, "I used to have time to read when I was your age, but I'm so busy now most of the time I just fall asleep when my head hits the pillow!" and I didn't get it, and vowed to keep up my habit of reading. And I have, sort of... I usually get about 10 minutes before I go to bed to do something personal. And that's a really nice time. Even if I have looming homework to do in the morning before/during class.

Well, we're now up to 494/2694 songs. Only 2200 songs to go!

Highs and Lows

Isn't it weird how you'll be on a total high, on top of the world, a superman? And then as soon as you stop doing whatever your doing, you just crash. Down and down and down you go... This has happened to me in the last few weeks a lot. For instance, I was taking an academic competition test (I placed 4th, by the way) and I left school and just went home and as soon as I stopped moving, I just started to crash. Just now, I was working in my school library, helping out with some inventory stuff and crosschecking facts, and then I switched into my next class and down I went... I'm fed up with this tired feeling...

Frustrating

It's frustrating having friends who are all dating (each other) and to be the only one alone. It's frustrating to know that somewhere out there, there is someone who might like you... but the problem is they live halfway across the country. It's frustrating to have to smile and pretend like nothing is awkward. It's frustrating to sit next to your old crush for 3 hours in a dark theatre. It's frustrating to leave them just because you feel you can't cope. It's frustrating to come home and to find out that who you really want to talk to is asleep.

I don't know... It's just so weird and awkward and unfortunate that all of this has to bug me.

Blog out...

Strange realities

I don't know, but right now doesn't seem very real. Maybe it's because I'm exhausted and I've been dosing on pain meds all day (damn cramps) but... as I sit here typing everything seems unreal... everything ultimately possible. I want to write, get something creative out of this, but it won't come out. The only thing I've managed is a short poem:

Thoughts of maybe plague my brain
What if? How? And could it be?
I guess it's hard to make this plain:
I love you, but stay away from me.

I guess there's some truth in there about how I feel... but it's way overexaggerated. I'm just perpetually confused these days. I should meditate more often... that makes everything so much better.

I just finished babysitting this adorable kid named Rusty about half an hour ago. Basically, I put the kid to bed after an hour and a half of playing with him and then I watched tv for the remainding 4 and hours. I watched "The Girl Next Door" and the end of "The Princess Bride" (I love that movie!!)

I think I'm going to go take my makeup off and go to bed. This whole disreality thing is getting wierd. >.<

Yes. I know disreality isn't a word. But it's my word. So back off, bitch. ;)