Come closer... I don't want to say it too loud.
I like to write fanfiction.
Oh, alright, that's the worst kept secret I've ever had. But it's mostly a secret to the general public because I feel like it's seen as supremely dorky, more so than a lot of things. It's one thing to be a lover of books... it's another to be a lover of books who writes stories about those books. It's also a secret from the blog... most of the time, anyway. I try to keep thoughts about my writing to myself, or post those thoughts elsewhere.
I feel quite embarrassed about it, despite the fact that my love of writing fanfiction has brought me into contact and helped forge connections with people who I never would have met before. Siobhan is the perfect example. I'll never forget the real conversation I had with Ally, where in the middle of a conversation about our favorite fanfics, she mentioned to me a story which, with no small amount of shock, I realized was one I had written. It brought home to me that real people read what I write, and so I strive every day to create things I am proud of and that I write things that are truly to the best of my ability at any given moment.
In the past almost eight years (yes, I am not only a writer of fanfiction, but I have been a writer of fanfiction for eight whole years) (...Or it will be eight years in about a month!) I have published a sum total of 204, 882 words. This is almost exactly the length of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, which I just googled to be 204,796 words. So take a look at that book on your bookshelf and that's how much fanfiction I've written.
(My first story, Not Knowing (which was published August 23, 2003 and finished June 10, 2006) is just a few thousand words short of the length of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I'm staring at those two books on my shelf and kind of sitting back in awe.)
I haven't finished everything I have written. On my fanfiction.net profile, there are two glaring examples, stories which I began, but which I quite literally outgrew. I've published 19 stories, 5 of which are multi-chapter stories (3 of those are complete), and 14 of those are single-chapter short stories which range in length from 300-12,000 words. Some of those stories took mere minutes to write, some of them years.
The reason I'm blogging about this is that I've been thinking a lot about fanfiction lately. About two years ago, I got an idea for a new story from the barest glimpse of a picture in my head and a few passionate words: "Why do you keep doing this to yourself?" I hastily wrote three chapters of a prospective story then. I shared these chapters with Siobhan when I saw her over Christmas break in 2009. She told me I must write it, what was I waiting for?
So I did. It's taken me a year and a half, and although I am not quite finished yet (I still have to finish the last chapter, and I am considering writing an epilogue), I am almost there. I always get really weird when I finish a story. Imagine walking around in a haze of confusion, impatience, and accomplishment for a solid two or three weeks. All I want to do is share! Share with everyone! You, sir, do you know that I have written a story? Ask me about it - it's fantastic! You've never read a story like it.
It's not like I'm finished with the story itself. Oh, no. The story I have been writing is only the first third of a trilogy, which in itself is the most ambitious I've ever been. (It is interesting to have to consider the second and third parts while writing the first. It is a delicate operation, indeed!) Each story is from a different point of view, and so I suppose what I am truly mourning is the end of my main character. Her name is Lin - and I'm pretty sure she is the most autobiographical character I've ever written. I will miss her when she is gone, but it's not to say I'll never see her again. I'm pretty sure she'll put in an appearance in the third story.
I feel that here, I must vent for a moment: What frustrates me sometimes about telling people about my fanfiction is that because it is fanfiction it is seen as something less worthy than real fiction, easier even, because it is borrowing from a story that someone else has already told. I beg of you to not discount me and my writing because of this. The story I am finishing right now, with the exception of the setting, two main characters, and a few minor events mentioned, is entirely of my own creation.
Despite my frustration, I have a great deal of pride, looking at my fanfiction profile. While I am not necessarily happy with everything I have published (of course I am my own worst critic!) I realize that that profile is actually a portfolio of my passion. What it is, is the result of eight years of passion, dedication and creativity. Each and every word I write is handcrafted with love. Sometimes it's hard not to get lost in the numbers of reviews or readers of my stories, but ultimately it's about the craft, and not about the final product.
Edits aren't even close to being done, and I know that I have another few thousand words to go... but when all is said and done, I'll be adding another 40,000 or so words to my profile.
I hope I never forget how this feels.
P.S. In the middle of writing this blog, someone just added me to their "Favorite Authors" list. It honors me in ways I cannot possibly express!
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