Fanfiction, danube-ing, and the stinking Texas weather

Recently, I have stumbled upon someone who writes fanfiction on fanfiction.net (a site which I, rather predictably, frequent often). This person has written 247 stories since late 2008, and while I usually have a problem with ridiculously prolific writers, I suspend my judgment for Hans von Hozel.

He is a German from Berlin, and he supposedly writes to "make an improvement of his English". (I love people whose native language is not English; I think their sentence structure is something beautiful that native English speakers generally can't replicate.)

However, poor Hans von Hozel's English is not improving through his fanfiction-y endeavors... really, he just makes a fool out of himself and his poorly constructed English. And he really doesn't know anything about the categories which he writes about, he just takes the titles and goes with them. What is so brilliant about Hans' stories, however, is how hilarious they all are! His poor grammar makes for some seriously side-splitting moments:

For example, his fanfiction about Beethoven (supposedly the dog, but he makes it about the composer):

Beethoven were try to make a musics but no musics went on the paper.

"Oh no I have run out of musics!" say Beethoven, sit at piano.

Suddenly, Mozart ran through the door.

"I have a potion!" say Mozart, "To make your composings of the better!"

"Is goodly!" say Beethoven, and a drinking of a potion.

"AHAHAHAHAHAH!" laugh Mozart, "IS WRONG POTION!"

The potion made Beethoven loose all his music skills.

"AHAHAHAHAH!" laugh Mozart, "NOW I AM THE BEST AT MUSIC!"

And Mozart went away.

"OH NO MY MUSICS!" say Beethoven, make a sadly.

Or of Waterloo:

One day, Napoleon was trying to take many Swedens.

"NOT OF THE TAKING SWEDENS!" shout ABBA, as they danube to where Napoleon was, "We must defend our ABBA Empire again!"

But Napoleon had become equip with many horses.

"Nay," say the horses, as they prepare with their horseshoe!

"Ha ha ha," say ABBA, "But the joke has made itself onto you, as we make a poison into your horses apples!"

"Nay?" ask the horses, and they all make a fall down.

"OH NO!" shout Napoleon, "I HAVE MISCALCULATED MY ERROR!"

ABBA danubed closer to Napoleon.
"No!" say Napoleon, "Stay back you malfunction!"

And so ABBA made a lazer beam over Napoleon and Napoleon made explode.

"Is a victory to the making!" say ABBA!

ABBA gave each other high fives and danubed again to Swedens.

For some reason, he uses danube as a verb? I don't know how to danube, but I can only imagine that danubing is some kind of awesome dance or something!

Do visit his profile and click through a few of his stories... They are SO FUNNY.

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Back to homework for me! I'm having trouble concentrating tonight as I have the whole internet at my disposal! I am certainly ready for it to be Friday! Last night, I crashed at 10:15 and slept right through till 9:30, and as I feel like I might be getting a little sick (probably something to do with the weather, which vaulted itself from below freezing to seventy degrees and then back to below freezing TWICE in the last two weeks) so the sleep was much appreciated! I hope to get to bed before midnight again tonight. :)