Existential Crisis

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about how I have nothing to blog about. 

Which is absolutely untrue, when I step back and give myself a reality check: I have an awesome job, I'm in this crazy (very bloggable) transitional phase in my life, I'm moving in a week, I'm applying for jobs... but when I open the blogger post page, my fingers hover over the keyboard and I get stuck.

Why have I been experiencing such writer's block?

I have a hard time talking about things that aren't going well in my life. Don't get me wrong, nothing is going horribly awry right now, it often feels like nothing is going wonderfully right, either. I'm in a post-graduation rut that I can't seem to climb out of, and as August approaches, it's not getting easier. I think August, especially the end of the month when I'm not going back to school, will be a tough time. I cannot remember the last time I did not return to school in August.

I've been going to school and measuring my worth by my academic successes (and failures) for so long that I am suffering some serious existential drama: Who am I? Who am I without school, without grades? Am I actually equipped for the real world? 

Logically, I know that many people have gone through this exact thing. I am not special. But I sure feel special, and alone. 

And so I try not to think about it too much. I try to deal with it in microscopic portions, telling myself that it will all work out in my favor, but it won't work itself out if I sit on my rear and panic.

Baby steps. With Mom's help, over the weekend I applied to several jobs. In a week, I'm moving into a new apartment, which will hopefully help my transition away from school (mentally and geographically!) Also next week, I'm going to the beach for a few days! In the meantime, I'm packing up one apartment and ridding myself of a great deal of clutter. 

And in the meantime, I'm hanging out with this adorable, sweet baby girl. 

Lily not only has one tooth now, but two! And she is trying out her consonants and sounds. Her favorite word last week was "Ma", but this morning she was saying "Ni" a lot, which tells me that she's obviously joined the ranks of the Knights who say Ni! over the weekend.

It feels good to write about my thoughts. I'll try and keep this in mind over the next few weeks and months. I would also appreciate any advice you beautiful readers might have for me!