I am NOT getting sick

It's just allergies.

I swear.

(this is my mantra...)

Musical is in three weeks.

Three day weekend = Sleep, Rehearsal, College visit (to TLU) and visiting my dad.

I'm tired and can't really explain myself much further than that.

Responsibility

So I have all sorts of responsiblities right now... and while it's stressful and it's hard to find that much time to work out details, I really love what I'm doing.

For instance, I'm the editor of our school's Lit Mag. As editor, I set meeting times and contests and I run the club meetings and stuff. I get to send emails en masse and I get to bother people about submissions. It feels good...

I'm also on our schools Library Student Advisory Council, which serves as a median between the student body and the administration. I'm the president. :) The reason LSAC exists is because we're building a new library at school. I wrote a letter today to all of the people we'd like on our LSAC board. It feels so good to be involved in something that I could leave behind. Same with the Lit Mag, actually. I get to leave behind my Lit Mag legacy. :)

(I just had another Damn I'm Good moment. I got distracted and I read some short stories of mine that I wrote a while ago... Do you want to know the truth? Most of the time I don't know if I'm a good writer or not.)

Last year, before I started blogging, I was in a play called Our Town, which if you haven't heard of it is a play by Thornton Wilder. The whole play isn't meant to entertain, it's meant to inform. It's three acts: Daily Life, Marriage, and Death. The main character, Emily ends up marrying George, a longtime friend, and then she dies in childbirth in the third act (hope I'm not ruining it terribly...) but while I was reading it I realized: My life is so different from Emily's. I won't marry my nextdoor neighbor and longtime friend, I won't die in childbirth (odds do point to survival these days...) and my life isn't quaint. But what I found the most striking was, in the second act, my friend Alycia (who played Emily's mother) confronts herself in an aside before Emily is married, saying "I should have told her more, but I just couldn't." (referring, of course to the whole wedding night shabang.) I mean, Emily has graduated from high school, is probably about 19 or 20 now, and she knows about as much about her body as I knew when I was in fourth or fifth grade. I don't know why, but that just hit me hard last year.

Am I rambling? I don't know.

(tee hee hee... my foots asleep. I could probably break my toe and I wouldn't feel it.....)

Balance

So Blogger. Today is a much better day for balance. Today I have successfully balanced: College and piano.

(Lmao. Do you like my amazing photo alteration skills?) I have also successfully balanced homework with musical rehearsals.

I have also balanced sleep with reading.

Lastly, I have balanced the United States' budget and an elephant.

(Um... what?)

The point is, I'm feeling a lot better today about everything. I find it extraordinary and kind of weird that from day to day I (and frankly, everyone) can go from one extreme emotion to the other. Nobody feels the same all the time every day, and if you do, there's probably something wrong with you. (Or severely right. Teach me!!) But don't you think that the variant of emotions makes everyday life that much more interesting?

Rehearsing

I don't know if I've griped enough about my rehearsal schedule yet, but here it goes:

I have thirteen hours of rehearsal THIS WEEK.

JUST this ONE week.

UNA SEMANA.

(At this point in the blog, I collapse.)

I don't know if anyone reading this blog remembers what it was like to be a senior. Right now, in my spare time I either A) Do homework B) Apply for college C) Attend reharsals D) Practice Piano E) Eat F) Sleep

Spare time! Not even designated time. Forget reading books or knitting socks...

I've just been practicing my songs and my throat hurts right now. So I have tea. Tea makes everything better. Yaaaay...

Average

So I've started the whole college admissions process.

(AHH!)

And it's kind of freaking me out. You see, right now I'm having one of those "moments of doubt". Like in the movies when a character is walking around proudly, and then something dramatic occurs to them and they just stop and throw their arms out. That is me right now. I'm all happily filling out my college apps and then... Oh no. I look too average.

I have average grades and an average SAT score, I'm average in volunteer hours. I'm average, average, average.

I've never been average. At least... I've never felt average. Mom tells me that I'm wonderful, I will get into whatever college I want to get into, I am a generally above-average girl and I have nothing to worry about.

What if I'm just faking being wonderful, huh? What if I've been pretending to be smart and I'm really just an average person? How would THAT be?

Mommy I've changed my mind. I don't want to go to college and I don't want to grow up. See you in Never-Never land.

Super Soaked

So I went to another UT game today (where we SUCKED SO BADLY it almost was funny) and at the beginning of the game the weather man came out and said "It'll drizzle a little later but it'll clear up soon."

HAHA. That's HILARIOUS Mr. Weatherman. Seriously! Good one!

It started drizzling for like... a minute. And then the floodgates opened.

We all got SOAKED to the bone. And then we just got cold. And brrrrrr... I'm still kind of cold right now even though I'm (almost) dry right now.

I'm going to go see what's on Disney Channel... (Why yes. I am seventeen and I still love disney.)

Falling

Drew this just now...